Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Real men say "I'm sorry"
By Russell King
"ME...ME say I'm sorry! Kings never say 'I'm sorry!' And I am the mightiest king in all the world!"
Bartholomew looked the King square in the eye. "You may be a mighty king," he said. "But you're sitting in oobleck up to your chin. And so is everyone in your land. And if you won't even say you're sorry, you're no sort of a king at all!"
-- Dr. Seuss, Bartholomew and the Oobleck
I think Bartholomew would, if he were a real person instead of a Dr. Seuss creation, feel a kinship with Linda Grabel. Linda is the women who, during the second presidential debate, asked both candidates: "Please give three instances in which you came to realize you had made a wrong decision and what you did to correct it."
Her question was a simple but true test of character: Are you honest, brave and strong enough to admit when you have made a mistake? And are you humble, caring and wise enough to try to fix it?
Linda hit six crucial character traits in one simple question. These six are not just vital to being president of the United States, leader of the free world, they’re vital to being a run-of-the-mill good person.
As a mom and a dad, Rhonda and I work hard at teaching our kids the importance of recognizing and admitting when they’ve screwed up, of saying “I’m sorry” and of trying to make it up to the people the mistake has hurt. Our schools have formal training for our kids, both in how to say they’re sorry and how to make amends. Many children’s books and the best of kiddie TV shows, such as Sesame Street, stress the importance of saying “sorry.” Most importantly—we think, anyway—is that we apologize to our children, and each other, whenever we goof up.
And—you can call me old fashioned for this, if you like—the scriptures of every major religion are a rich sources of wisdom on the subject, under such headings as absolution, atonement, forgiveness, penance and repentance. The Talmud, in fact, declares that God created repentance before creating the universe.
Linda’s question stood on a firm foundation.
The president, in his answer, could not think of anything for which he’d like to apologize, anything for which he needed to make amends. He joked that there was an appointment or two he wished he hadn’t made, but that’s not the sort of mistake Linda was talking about.
It wasn’t a surprise. Earlier in the campaign, Bush was asked to name a mistake he had made, and he could think of none. When the vice president used the most vile of four-letter words toward a U.S. senator, on the floor of the Senate, it was followed by an apologetic silence from the administration. When one of our spy planes crash-landed inside China, all we had to do to get the plane back was say “sorry,” but Bush refused. Before that, Mr. Bush and Mr. Chaney were caught on tape making obscene gestures and crude remarks about a reporter they disliked, and neither offered an apology.
At the same debate another woman reminded Bush of our diminished standing in the world and asked how he would repair our relation. His answer: "We got a great country. I love our values. And I recognize I've made some decisions that have caused people to not understand the great values of this country." Translation: I did nothing wrong, it was all their misunderstanding.
This pattern of unapologetic behavior is not simply unflattering, it indicates that the president is lacking those six important character traits. If a man is dishonest, cowardly, weak, arrogant, uncaring and foolish, I don’t want him for a neighbor, much less for a leader.
There is no role we assume, no responsibility we take on, no relationship we enjoy, no dream we pursue—including the presidency--where we don’t make numerous missteps. Mistakes are the stuff of life.
No doubt a mistake-proof world, however imaginary, is appealing. Despite its importance, apologizing runs contrary to our cultural mandates of winning, success and perfection. We cling to the misguided notion that we’re better off ignoring or denying our mistakes—failing to acknowledge that we’re sitting in oobleck up to our chins.
Believing that we are doing the right thing is much, much easier than admitting our mistakes, so failing to apologize is a sure sign of weakness. Denial is comforting, but wimpy. The refusal to admit being wrong is not just an attempt to avoid punishment, it's more a desire to protect our self-image: I’m still winning, successful and perfect.
Being strong enough to admit mistakes and be sorry for them isn’t simply a matter of personal development—not when the person in question is the president. Apologies are important on both national and international levels.
Technological changes have made the world a tighter network and, ultimately we are all upwind, downstream, over the mountains or through the woods from one another. We can't help but be concerned with Russia's failing economy, Eastern Block toxic waste, Middle Eastern conflicts, and the rain forest, whether for reasons of peace, fuel or just plain oxygen.
In this global network, apologies are key to peaceful resolution of conflicts. Within the last decade alone: Nelson Mandela apologized for atrocities committed by the African National Congress in fighting against apartheid; Exxon for the Valdez spill; Pope John Paul II "for abuses committed by Christian colonizers against Indian peoples"; former Japanese Prime Minister Morihiro Hosokawa for Japanese aggression during World War II; and Russian President Boris Yeltsin apologized for the massacre of 15,000 Polish army officers by Soviet forces during World War II.
You’d think President Bush could come up with at least one little thing for which he needed to apologize. That he can’t speaks scary volumes.
Bartholomew was right: “If you won't even say you're sorry, you're no sort of a king at all!"
By Russell King
"ME...ME say I'm sorry! Kings never say 'I'm sorry!' And I am the mightiest king in all the world!"
Bartholomew looked the King square in the eye. "You may be a mighty king," he said. "But you're sitting in oobleck up to your chin. And so is everyone in your land. And if you won't even say you're sorry, you're no sort of a king at all!"
-- Dr. Seuss, Bartholomew and the Oobleck
I think Bartholomew would, if he were a real person instead of a Dr. Seuss creation, feel a kinship with Linda Grabel. Linda is the women who, during the second presidential debate, asked both candidates: "Please give three instances in which you came to realize you had made a wrong decision and what you did to correct it."
Her question was a simple but true test of character: Are you honest, brave and strong enough to admit when you have made a mistake? And are you humble, caring and wise enough to try to fix it?
Linda hit six crucial character traits in one simple question. These six are not just vital to being president of the United States, leader of the free world, they’re vital to being a run-of-the-mill good person.
As a mom and a dad, Rhonda and I work hard at teaching our kids the importance of recognizing and admitting when they’ve screwed up, of saying “I’m sorry” and of trying to make it up to the people the mistake has hurt. Our schools have formal training for our kids, both in how to say they’re sorry and how to make amends. Many children’s books and the best of kiddie TV shows, such as Sesame Street, stress the importance of saying “sorry.” Most importantly—we think, anyway—is that we apologize to our children, and each other, whenever we goof up.
And—you can call me old fashioned for this, if you like—the scriptures of every major religion are a rich sources of wisdom on the subject, under such headings as absolution, atonement, forgiveness, penance and repentance. The Talmud, in fact, declares that God created repentance before creating the universe.
Linda’s question stood on a firm foundation.
The president, in his answer, could not think of anything for which he’d like to apologize, anything for which he needed to make amends. He joked that there was an appointment or two he wished he hadn’t made, but that’s not the sort of mistake Linda was talking about.
It wasn’t a surprise. Earlier in the campaign, Bush was asked to name a mistake he had made, and he could think of none. When the vice president used the most vile of four-letter words toward a U.S. senator, on the floor of the Senate, it was followed by an apologetic silence from the administration. When one of our spy planes crash-landed inside China, all we had to do to get the plane back was say “sorry,” but Bush refused. Before that, Mr. Bush and Mr. Chaney were caught on tape making obscene gestures and crude remarks about a reporter they disliked, and neither offered an apology.
At the same debate another woman reminded Bush of our diminished standing in the world and asked how he would repair our relation. His answer: "We got a great country. I love our values. And I recognize I've made some decisions that have caused people to not understand the great values of this country." Translation: I did nothing wrong, it was all their misunderstanding.
This pattern of unapologetic behavior is not simply unflattering, it indicates that the president is lacking those six important character traits. If a man is dishonest, cowardly, weak, arrogant, uncaring and foolish, I don’t want him for a neighbor, much less for a leader.
There is no role we assume, no responsibility we take on, no relationship we enjoy, no dream we pursue—including the presidency--where we don’t make numerous missteps. Mistakes are the stuff of life.
No doubt a mistake-proof world, however imaginary, is appealing. Despite its importance, apologizing runs contrary to our cultural mandates of winning, success and perfection. We cling to the misguided notion that we’re better off ignoring or denying our mistakes—failing to acknowledge that we’re sitting in oobleck up to our chins.
Believing that we are doing the right thing is much, much easier than admitting our mistakes, so failing to apologize is a sure sign of weakness. Denial is comforting, but wimpy. The refusal to admit being wrong is not just an attempt to avoid punishment, it's more a desire to protect our self-image: I’m still winning, successful and perfect.
Being strong enough to admit mistakes and be sorry for them isn’t simply a matter of personal development—not when the person in question is the president. Apologies are important on both national and international levels.
Technological changes have made the world a tighter network and, ultimately we are all upwind, downstream, over the mountains or through the woods from one another. We can't help but be concerned with Russia's failing economy, Eastern Block toxic waste, Middle Eastern conflicts, and the rain forest, whether for reasons of peace, fuel or just plain oxygen.
In this global network, apologies are key to peaceful resolution of conflicts. Within the last decade alone: Nelson Mandela apologized for atrocities committed by the African National Congress in fighting against apartheid; Exxon for the Valdez spill; Pope John Paul II "for abuses committed by Christian colonizers against Indian peoples"; former Japanese Prime Minister Morihiro Hosokawa for Japanese aggression during World War II; and Russian President Boris Yeltsin apologized for the massacre of 15,000 Polish army officers by Soviet forces during World War II.
You’d think President Bush could come up with at least one little thing for which he needed to apologize. That he can’t speaks scary volumes.
Bartholomew was right: “If you won't even say you're sorry, you're no sort of a king at all!"
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